My Blog__ Alternative Cheer

December 23, 2011 | By

Christmas cheer doesn't have to come in the form of Kenny G and that JTT movie. So many things have such a high level of suck but get away with it because it's holiday-themed. In the last couple weeks of December, there's a collective waning of taste that cumulates in record sales of celebrity perfumes, peppermint mocha eggnog lattes and sequined tops.

If you really think your mom's going to love that new Britney Spears perfume and if you can stomach that latte, get 'em girl. I'm not trying to assert my preferences on your Christmas. Actually, I often wear sequined tops, dresses and skirts. What I'm trying to say is that people lower their own standards. How else do you explain fruitcake and exchanging Christmas Cards? Don't do things you totally hate and you will be 90% less stressed out.

This year, I've got a couple of things I'm swapping out--starting with audio.

I've been playing Rudy Ray Moore (aka Dolemite)'s version of "Merry Christmas Baby" on repeat all day. "Let me rap to you/Rap on!/Rap on!" Why isn't this song on more holiday compilations?

Miracle on 34th Street? Blow me. This Christmas Eve, I'm watching The Gingerdead Man. Gary Busey plays a serial killer who is executed but then comes back to life when his ashes are baked into some gingerbread. More killing ensues. This flick was actually a Christmas present last year (thanks Dylan!) but we've been saving it. There's also a sequel called The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust.

Courtney Stodden just, like, gets it. Why do a boring round-the-tree Christmas photo when you can strap on Lucite heels and get weird with your super old husband? I bet Courtney Stodden isn't stressed at all during the holiday season. There's a lot we can learn from these two. How can you take anything seriously when people like this are in the news?

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE XOXOXOXO

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