My Blog__ Anger Therapy

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Sometimes I feel so angry at all living and inanimate objects around me that I have to consciously restrict myself from interacting with them for a little while. It happens when someone hits me in the face with their umbrella. It happens when I think about that wedding show where a group of brides compete every week for different plastic surgery procedures. It happens when someone touches my ass in the club (without permission). It happens when my roommate doesn't put the cap on the toothpaste and it gets all crusty and gross and then I have to put that in my mouth.

But the most angry I can ever ever get is when I'm already angry and then someone goes, "calm down". Like, FUCK YOU I'LL SHOW YOU CALMED DOWN I'LL CALM YOU SO FAR DOWN YOU STOP BREATHING.

The anger ranges from explosive and violent (see rage) to silent and seething (see contempt) to self righteous and punishing (see intellectual leftists). I've found that there are many different lines through which my anger can be channeled.  As I mentioned previously no healthcare means no therapist. But that's okay! Because I've learned how to deal with it in lots of other healthy and productive ways. Here are ten.

1. Take it out on someone.

Especially this guy. Hit the comment feed hard. Don't be afraid to use personal insults re: physical appearance.

2. Drug yourself

Obviously, this is not the time for cocaine. Opiates are probably the first choice but any depressant, from weed to sizzurp to painkillers to ketamine, should really do the trick. But no matter what if drugs are new to you, always keep these points in mind. And if you want to drug yourself and also cry, down a bottle of red wine--tips here.

3. Turn it into cynicism

Hating things AND laughing at them at the same time are two of the greatest joys available to human beings. Be petty, insult everything. Put on thick black eyeliner and watch Daria, rip flyers down, roll your eyes at EVERYONE, especially rich people who are clean and smiling and look like they exercise regularly.

4. Listen to electronic music from Berlin ie. deny your feelings on the outside

5. #Occupysomething


6. Get physical

Hate fuck a republican. Vandalize a Starbucks. Smash your 3rd iPhone this week, whatever gets you off.

7. Tell the world

Um, that's what online forums are for.

8. Meditate/Chant a mantra

When I run out of money at the end of the month and can barely pay my rent,  I look at the synthetic leopard print cropped zip up I bought and never wore. Instead of flipping out at myself, J tells me to use the mantra method. Her favourite is slowly chanting,  "I am poor. I am poor. I am poor. I am poor." Accept your reality.

9. Self Harm

Place your feet about 3-4 inches away from the wall, take both arms towards your back and intertwine your fingers giving yourself the chance to open your chest up as you smash your face into the wall repeatedly.

10. Roll with it

Being angry can make you come out on top. Just look at everyone successful--Courtney Love, Eminem, Alec Baldwin, and, of course...

Mel to his gf: "You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault."

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One Response to “Anger Therapy”

  1. Mish mish says:

    You are bloooming into a fine rageaholic. Welcome to da club, girl. Now, let’s go hurt people’s feelings.

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