My Blog__ Dolphins Are Rapists

July 22, 2012 | By

Bad Girls Club goes all NatGeo with this dolphin rape speech.

Every single person on Bad Girls Club is the worst person in the whole world. When people tell me that they hate reality TV, I can't even get defensive because stuff like this exists out there. It's also totally awesome though. The patterns of female behaviour in this show are fascinating. Hair, for example, is a solid 40% of the show's content. They're doing their hair, insulting each other's hair, bragging about how much their hair costs and dragging each other across the kitchen floor by the hair. In the second episode of this season, one girl ripped out a piece of her opponent's weave and flambéed it on the stove.

I tried to recap The Bachelorette but it was so boring, you guys. My favourite moment all season was when Emily got in a fight with one of the guys and said she was going to take her earrings out and "go West Virginia hoodrat backwoods on his ass." It was a fleeting moment, however, and soon enough she was back to refusing Fantasy Suite dates. You've got a daughter, Em. We all know you can get down. Jig's up.

On Bad Girls Club, a single mother pulled her pants down to her knees and flashed her bare ass to the whole club from on top of the bar. She did it a few more times at a few more clubs and told everyone in the limo that it's just who she is and she's comfortable in her own skin. That's the America I like, ok? More Bad Girls, less Bachelorettes. However, if you can't stand it, I don't blame you. It's like cilantro or blue cheese. Not everyone appreciates the taste.

That being said, there's something special about the clip above. It's about the secret society of dolphin rapists. This should be turned into  horror movie. The Bad Dolphins Club. Plus, here's a t-shirt you can get to help spread awareness of dolphin rape.

--Jess Bloom

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