Jess Bloom / SHORE, SERIOUSLY: SEASON THREE, EPISODES THREE & FOUR


January 24, 2011, 07:38 | Link | Posted in: | | | | | 2 Responses
[caption id="attachment_36258" align="aligncenter" width="567" caption="(Snooki digs in her heels for dick)"][/caption]

In my previous edition of SHORE, SERIOUSLY, I ended the post by purposing that a love clause in the girl code could be Sammi's saving grace. Maybe Ronnie's love is her drug. Steroids is the most obvious metaphor: puffed out chests and tiny balls.  In last week's double whammy episodes, it turns out that she's not the only claiming love as a defense. As Snooki says, "Snookin' for love is worse than a staph infection." Sure, these girls can get the guy but the expiry date on their beefy boyfriends tends to be just around the corner. Snooki drunkenly chases around Vinny's dick named "Seabiscuit" to no avail and Deena gets a blowie from Ronnie's lookalike but then finds out he has a girlfriend the next morning. [caption id="attachment_36260" align="aligncenter" width="567" caption="(Deena shows off Dean and her liberal use of the word "perfect")"][/caption] That being said, JWoww's boyfriend, Tom, stayed in the picture for a surprisingly long time. The first season of Jersey Shore began with their rocky relationship set up to fail and only now is that storyline paying off. I have a feeling JWoww surprised the show's producers by being more of a friend-fighter than a fighting lover. Her quotation in the opening credits is, "...after I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off," and yet we've seen no sex and no head ripping. JWoww revealed more about the abusive nature of her relationship with Tom on the after show and it occurs to me that JWoww's hostility towards Sammi might be connected. Out of all the girls, they are the only ones in long-term relationships. Both of their relationships are unhappy, dramatic and dragging on and their boyfriends fuck them around. Maybe when JWoww reaches out to clock Sammi, she's really reaching out to clock herself. Maybe by forgiving Sam she could finally forgive herself for staying with Tom for so long. Deep, right? Lastly, Snooki uses a love clause to excuse her alcoholism. In her rooftop therapy session with Dr. JWoww, she says, "You know what I think it is? Fucking Emilio." Emilio? Who the fuck is Emilio? It took be a solid few minutes to rewind all the hours of Jersey Shore stored up in my brain to remember that he was her boyfriend at the beginning of season 2. Good one, Snooks. I also will attribute all further drinking disasters to Emilio. Fucking Emilio. Read last week's recap here.

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2 Responses to “SHORE, SERIOUSLY: SEASON THREE, EPISODES THREE & FOUR”

  1. You rule.


  2. [...] in her life was not because of Jenni but because of herself. Like Jess mentioned in the previous SHORE, SERIOUSLY, Jenni and Sam are a like a double helix. When Jenni lost Tom she was able to forgive herself, hence [...]


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