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Can I get a "fucking finally" right now? After watching this week's episode of Jersey Shore I am saying thank God or Guido or whatever these "kids" call old faithful that Sammi left. Thank God [Guido or Guidodess] that she stood up to Ron. That she had an existential realization. That she got the hell out. I'm proud of you, Sam. #nojoke

As I have said many times over the only reason this show exists is that these people are bored and lack communication skills. If any of the family had jobs they loved or even hobbies there would be no Jersey Shore. Sure, Pauly D is a (now) successful DJ and J-Woww is in the lingerie business, but when they are being filmed these careers no longer exist. This, compounded by their sudden boost to the celebrity realm has caused a new phenomenon. My friend Geoff (who is a brilliant writer for a newspaper called The Tyee) told me he couldn't watch Jersey Shore because it was "too real". "Think about it," he propositioned. "They are filming Season Three while watching themselves on MTV in Season Two. They are living out stereotypes and characteristics the public has hyper-inflated for them while trying to man their current lives while being filmed for an upcoming season. How can a person deal with that? It warps your sense of self." Where is Neil Postman when you need him? Television in the 1980s was nothing compared to this.

Watching this final blow-up between Sam and Ron was really depressing. I've been in some bad fights with boyfriends before but this was beyond words. I can't imagine watching myself fight with an ex on MTV. How would that feel? How would it feel knowing the world has seen you at your most vulnerable? And not even drunk-and-peeing-your-pants vulnerable, but emotionally, mentally destroyed. Besides the expected sexism that was thrown around - my favorite moment was when Ron said, "I've been with you for a year and how many times have you cooked for me you selfish bitch?" - this was a fight like no other. Jerry Springer was child's play compared to this. As I watched Pauly, Mike and Vinny hold Sam back, her face blistered with tears, mascara tracks and sweat, as she screamed, "I hate you, I hate you" to Ron while he hurled her belongings out the window, I immediately thought of Simone de Beauvoir. For those of you who didn't take Vagina 101 in school, Simone de Beauvoir was a feminist philosopher who wrote a pivotal book called The Second Sex. Inside that book was a paper called, "The Woman In Love."

Simone de Beauvoir argues that a woman is taught to believe that true love will solve all her problems, however love is her greatest trap. A woman is devoted entirely to her love, using him as a place to solidify her identity and confidence by giving utter devotion and receiving attention.  She lets her own world collapse in contingence, for she really lives in his.

"I think he was with a girl?"

Simone argues that a woman in love can no longer see herself unless it is in him. For the woman in love jealousy is the Danielle, stalking her whole life on the boardwalk. The abstinence of her lover is always torture because he is an eye, a judge, as soon as he looks at anything other than her, he has abandoned her and she is left insecure. Being at the same time proud and anxious, the woman may suffer constant jealousy and yet be always wrong about it.

Jealousy with him is ordinarily no more than a passing crisis, like love itself; the crisis may be violent and even murderous, but it is rare for him to acquire a last uneasiness. His jealousy is usually derivative... when he feels that life is hurting him, then he feels his woman is flouting him.

Every woman in love recognizes herself as Hans Anderson's Little Mermaid who exchanged her fishtails for feminine legs through love and then found herself walking on needles and live coals.

Genuine love ought to be founded on the mutual recognition of two liberties; the lovers would then experience themselves both as self and as other neither would give up transcendence, neither would be mutilated; together they would manifest values and aims in the world. For one and the other, love would be revelation of self by the gift of self and enrichment of the world.

Oh Simone, how I wish you knew that your 1940s philosophical theories could have saved these two guidos. Good-bye Sam and Ron. It hurts now, but years down the line when your children's children are watching Season Three on a computer chip that sends MTV broadcasts through their brains during dinner time, you will realize that it was nothing more than a big, public mess of a life lesson. #lovestinks

Read last week's recap here.

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  1. jess bloom says:

    sweet post. there was so much good stuff in the episode! how adorable were deena and snooki? every girl needs a couple of meatballs in her life. and ronnie saying that at least he made out with chicks behind her back rather than dancing with someone in front of her face?!? he came out of that whole looking like a nutso jerkface douche.

  2. Mish Mish says:

    Yes, i know. That is all scribbled in my notes but I opted to go philo. I also think it’s crazy that when Sam used “hot guys” to make Ron jealous at the club, he flipped out, went home and BROKE ALL HER BELONGINGS! Hello Ron! Taste of ur own medicine! Sam’s tactic, although childish, was kind of brilliant and it worked. After Ron’s roid rage cooled down, he acted like it was “just another fight”. Get real!!! He did the same shit to Sam (worse in fact cuz he cheated on her and all Sam did was deliberatly dance with a dude to teach Ron a lesson) and he thinks that warrents destroying everything she owns? I hope these two realize how crazy they are (literally CRAZY) for one another and before they ever try to be with one another again they go take a couples communication course and turn that cray cray fire into healthy sex.

    Also, I think EVERYONE has taken a backseat and Sam & Ron. Lame.

    Snooki looked beautiful right before they went to the club in this episode!

    What do you think of Rodger? Does Jenni know how HOT she is???

  3. jess bloom says:

    matt listens to an espn sports podcast that occasionally talks about jersey shore and they brought up some really good points about this week’s episode. for example, they talk a lot about the meta element to the cast watching season 2 while filming season 3 that you also wrote about. i totally didn’t put it together that that’s why sam was apologizing all of a sudden as well as getting more and more mad at ronnie. they also talk about ronnie’s drug use effecting his mood swings. seriously, the guy sobs in the bathroom and then stomps around like a hulk.

    i don’t think couples communication courses are built for this sort of thing. i think they need to stay separated and, as you wrote, chalk it up to experience.

    i didn’t see the “next week” preview but i heard that ronnie is moping around like a loser. i hope this stops so that the rest of the cast can get some more camera time.

    rodger is a goon, but a harmless goon. jenni knows exactly how hot she is…she’s checking herself out all the time and why shouldn’t she? self-check outs are a-ok with me. apparently she went on a diet and lost 20 pounds in between seasons. this diet consisted of drinking soda water with vodka instead of cranberry juice. that’s a diet i can get behind.

  4. zyanna says:

    I can’t believe that she actually left. Also ron is really a huge asshole, the dinner comment was ridic.

  5. Mish mish says:

    Soda and vodka is a diet? I thought that was just a good fucking time.

    Yes, the watching themselves while filming is crazy because all the truth about Miami came barreling out. It’s a total TV revelation! It’s insane! REALITY TV IS INSANE!

    Obvs Ron has a coke problem. Come on. He is an emotional wreck. It’s insane.

  6. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by hearty magazine, Zyanna O'Connell. Zyanna O'Connell said: The latest episode of Jersey Shore was pretty intense. Read @myszkaway 's commentary on @heartymagazine here: […]

  7. Mish Mish says:

    Jess, change yr hearty profile pic. That finger splotch in the front is driving me insane.

  8. jess bloom says:

    um it’s ARTISTIC finger splotching.
    …i’ll change it if i find a better picture than my other commonly used profile pic of an old cuban dancer grinding me from behind.

  9. Jess Bloom Jess Bloom says:

    alright haterz. here’s the new one. just me and my boyfriend.

  10. […] been the driving force behind most of the show’s pivotal plot points extending back to Miami. Episode 7 of this season, aka the one where they break stuff until they break up, has been the most poignant […]

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