My Blog__ SHORE, SERIOUSLY: SEASON 3, EPISODE 9

February 27, 2011 | By

Remember when The Situation compared his three-some experience with the meatballs to a chicken dinner? "And then suddenly Snooks is gone and I'm just left with Deena. That's like if someone put chicken and salt n' pepper on the dinner table and then took away the chicken." After snoozing my way through this episode, I realized that the Jersey Shore is simply a chicken-less dinner without the Sam and Ron drama.

"There are no good quality guys in Seaside, jerk."

This episode was fucking boring. Sorry. It was boring. After I had finished watching it I had taken only four screen caps and made, like, seven notes. Usually after an episode of the Shore my desktop is littered with icons of Pauly D and my note pad resembles dog food. Despite the fact that this episode was a total snooze, something pretty good happened when Snooki acknowledged the sexual double standard in the Shore house. Finally. This problem has been dragging on since the days of Angelina and we finally get to see one of the girls get pissed about it on camera. "I bring home guys and only sleep with one of them I'm the biggest slut in the world?" Wave the white flag. We're done. Yipee. I've been waiting for that for-fucking-ever. Now start a riot, Snooks. Revolution Guidette Style Now.

"I'm not really cool with Snooki hooking up with a guy then me the next night."

The more confidence and airtime Vinny gets, the more I think he is an imbecile. Dude can't even fix a toilet. (By the way, I think it is beyond stupid that no one has called a plumber yet. I once lived in a house with a clogged toilet but we could not afford a plumber so we had to shit in plastic bags and piss in our bathtub until we could pay for one. These guys have money and no excuse.) Vinny's immaturity drives me crazy. His attitude towards life is one-dimensional. He has no thought process beyond impressing his peers with stupid jokes. He thinks he is a man, but he is a boy. Take for example the nativity of this statement, "I'm not really cool with Snooki hooking up with a guy then me the next night." Really? Vinny, do you think every girl you drag home from the club and fuck in your single bed was a virgin before you? Are you retarded? Grow up. Why does Snooki have a crush on his guy? Oh right, she's fucking bored.

"Do not have any of my ravioli, Vinny. You have pink eye."

The best part of the episode was when Mike got ditched by Pauly, Vinny and Ron so he had to eat dinner alone. He set up his take-out containers of pasta, salad and garlic bread around the big, empty table and, like a teenager high on shitty acid, he pretended he was having an imaginary family dinner with his imaginary friends. The best part was that he (unintentionally) spent at least 45 minutes getting dolled up for this solo dinner.

"Yep, I feel much better now."

Okay, I'm going to say something that no one wants to hear. This show is boring without the Sam and Ron drama. I know that we all hate their bullshit, but look, one episode without them and everyone is falling asleep in their chairs and resorting to childish pranks to pump up screen time. We need the Sam and Ron fiasco. So, they brought her back. We needed the chicken. Bon Appetite.

Read last week's recap here.

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