| By

Welcome to the last installment of Shore, Seriously Season 4, a back-and-forth analysis between Jess Bloom and myself about the reality show we love so dearly.

Before the season finale of Jersey Shore on Thursday it seemed that every single newspaper, online magazine and blog were talking about how disappointing this season has been. Andrew Ryan of the Globe & Mail pointed out that although this season kick started with a reported 9 million viewers, it soon dropped to 6.5 million which "does not bode well for the franchise's future." Mean while, bloggers like David Jacoby of Grantland chalked up "Six Ways To Fix Jersey Shore" including many obvious suggestions like embracing the cast's celebrity and having a detailed "Smush Count". It's no secret that things have floundered yet, there are still 6 million of us who have not given up.

A classic Season 2: Miami moment with Vinny fast asleep cradling Snooki's left breast.

This season was pretty boring. Of course, the Meat Ball's entertained, Mike invented the drama and Snooki's love life was both depressing and thrilling to watch, but over all, it lacked a certain "je ne sais quoi". After watching the season finale, I decided to watch a few episodes from Season 2: Miami. Holy Entertainment! Season 2 was amazing. The Angelina drama, the anonymous letter, Ronnie's three-way kiss, the smack down between JWoww and Sammi, the smack down between Snooki and Angelina. Season 2 was the highest caliber of action-packed trash television and I loved every minute of it.

So, what happened? Time. Time is what happened. When you put eight fame-hungry, sexually aggressive eccentrics in a room together, take away their iPods, cell phones and computers and give them unlimited access to alcohol, things are going to get insane. Eventually, the excitement will die because there is only so much that can happen. Fight, fuck or have fun, right? How many times can you punch out your roommate for "being fake"?

The gang waited until their last day in Italy to go on an "art and history" tour.

The whole concept behind sending the cast to Italy was to put them out of their comfort zone and into the country they all claim to be linked to. However, the only taste of Italy we got was when Vinny took the boys out for an Italian dinner with his extended family. The cast didn't make an effort to make new friends or even drag home any chicks who were Italian. Deena was the only one to score an authentic Italian and he turned out to be into incest or something. It seemed that all the girls that M.V.P. brought home where either teenage twins from Florida or American girls on holiday. The one time Vinny tried his luck with an Italian girl she turned him down within the first 30 seconds. This should be a lesson to M.V.P. Girls only want to fuck you because you are famous and you are not famous in Italy.

"How can you be mad when you wake up to this?" - Ronnie on having Pauly D and Vinny slapping his ass

One thing I really missed this season was the Sam and Ronnie drama. Call me crazy but I think a happy Sam is a boring Sam. When Sam is acting jealous, insecure or neurotic she is the girl we love to hate. We can see a bit of the cray cray within ourselves in Sam's actions and even though we empathize with it, we mostly just like to talk about what an idiot she is being. It's glorified girl-on-girl hate and even though it sucks, it's a method of digesting the stereotypes manifested in Sam's femininity. Watching Sam and Ronnie happily skip off to the Smush Room for a five minute sex romp is not good television, but seeing her slap him for confiding in a female friend is prime time worthy trash. What does this say about our expectations about reality television? Has the Jersey Shore set the bar so high that they themselves can no longer top it?

Carrying luggage down the stairs is impossible to do in platform wedges, so the answer is always a mattress slide.

Is there even going to be another season of Jersey Shore? I hope so. The finale left us with a psuedo-send off to Seaside. The gang all packed up their belongings, toasted to G.T.L. and the prospect of "grenades" - that reminds me, we did not hear "grenades" or "zoo creatures" uttered during all of Season 4, could this be because people got mad about how sexist and awful those terms were? - and headed back to their homeland. Of course, we know they didn't go directly from Italy to the Seaside house and start filming. I think I agree with Jacoby on the embracing celebrity thing. Why all the pretending, guys? Let's go hard on reality next season.

I still love the Jersey Shore and all the cast, including Mike. I hope that the producers take hints from all of us lowly bloggers and give the people what they want which is basically just blatant unawareness masked as honesty. That's all I ever really want from my reality stars and I don't think it's too much to ask.

Read last week's recap here.

__Share this post


  1. Jess Bloom Jess Bloom says:

    hearty tv: jess & mish go to karma

  2. Mish mish says:

    We need to do that. Let’s try to get funding.

  3. […] us, and them. Here’s more Shore, Seriously for your reading pleasure. Last year Mish covered the finale so now I’m going to hit you with the […]

Leave a Reply