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This is Mish Way and Jess Bloom's Shore, Seriously. We've been hanging on for dear life, but in Season 5 the thread is thinning fast.

Here's what happened at The Shore house this week. Snooki peed her pants, Mike walked around with his dick hanging out and the gang played "Warm Beer". I'm sick of Mike's constant inner battle between loyal and betrayal. I'm sick of "getting wasted" being the only activity these people do. Has anyone else noticed that no one is having sex this season? It's boring. What happened to the days of hook-ups between the cast members, stalkers and bar-sexual three-some make-outs? When is Ronnie going to "motor boat" a waitress again? I miss the sex. I miss the fighting. Take me back to the monster truck rally, guidos!

I've decided that the only way to make this show enjoyable is to focus very closely on the cast's daily conversations with one another. When you break it down, it's enough to question if the binge drinking has actually affected their brains. This week, Sam and Deena tried to deconstruct the science of electricity after Deena is shocked by a wall outlet.

Deena: Sam! I just got electrocuted. My hand hurts. When you get electrocuted does it mean you get fucked up?

: Like, what do you mean?

: Like, do you think my brain is all crazy?

Sam: Like, your brain is crazy? I don't think so. I think you will be okay. Police zap criminals with their electric guns all the time and they're alright.

Deena: Oh, that's true. Maybe it just shocks you a little bit. Is it the same electrical though?

Sam: It has to be. There is different electrocutions?

: I think so. I think, like, wall electrocution is, like, electronics.

: Yeah, but I think, like, when the police do it they zap the people and they go down because it's so bad, like, you just got a little zap in your arm. You should be alright.

Deena: Yeah.

Word for word.

-Mish Way

Read last week's recap here.

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  1. Jess Bloom Jess Bloom says:

    they speak in subtle poetry, i think

  2. […] Jersey Shore should beĀ sterilizedĀ in order to prevent future generations. As Mish pointed out in her recap of last week’s episode, there is likely some light-to-moderate brain damage going on anyway. I’m not being Jersey […]

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