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by: Jess Bloom

Alright, I gotta get something off my chest here before we really get into it. Is anyone else feeling the sexual tension between Snooki and Danny aka the t-shirt shop owner? Snooks has said one million times that her "type" is an Italian juicehead gorilla, but maybe baby we need so do away with this "type" business. Sometimes dating outside of your subculture can be fun! I never thought I'd be with a guy who loved sports but here I am years later asking questions about what bowling has to do with the Super Bowl.

When Snooki and JWoww were talking to each other instead of selling t-shirts, Danny threw something at Snooki's head and then gave her the look captured above. He loves her, right? Why else would he have taken them back for another summer of working at a boardwalk t-shirt shop?He might be a bit old and be a t-shirt shop owner, but she could do worse--like this guy:

Let's move on from Snooki now because, ring the alarm, Ronnie did something interesting this episode! He drank so much he shit blood! In last week's edition of Shore, Seriously, Mish came to the conclusion that alcohol can solve problems but now we see the double-edged sword of booze and it's a sword the draws blood. With his buddies in town and Sammi's sourpuss lurking in the corner, Ronnie hit the bottle hard. Say what you will about Sammi's icy demeanor, but I wouldn't have warmed food for anyone that talks to me the way Ronnie talks to her and I certainly wouldn't hold a bag of vomit.

At the end of the episode, they broke up, again. If they don't stay that way I'm going to have to start popping Excedrin before I watch this show. Mike's right when he said, "I have a headache from dealing with Sam and Ron's relationshp. I feel like I'm in the relationship and it's not even mine."  At least Ronnie can relate to our discomfort:

Speaking of Mike, he's taking a backseat this season. Could it be that he's been overshadowed by Deena? I think girlfriend is pulling more tail than he is these days. What a great editing job they did on her night of passion with Darrio. First she's all, "It's not Halloween. I'm not handing out candy for free," and then she's like, "My golden ticket was taken--it is what it is." It's a bit of a mystery when they filmed the interview for that first quote...but I'm not going to sweat it too much.

With the same behaviour, Angelina was called a slut but so far no one is giving Deena any grief. Is it because Deena is a lovable lushy cartoon character and they simply didn't like Angelina? Or is it because Deena, like Snooki, gets soppy puppy eyes every time she meets a guy that's into her? I'm not convinced that either of these girls are going to find love in the club, but I do appreciate a female who can hit it and quit it like the boys.

Also, remember when Snooki and her club goon were on the chairlift and she discovered his tongue ring? He leaned over and said that he had put it on her clit the night before. The night before when she got her period right before go time. That's commitment. Sam and Ron have been together for 2 and a half seasons now and she certainly didn't offer to give him a rim job in his time of need.

If they get back together I'm going to stab myself in the hand. This is suppose to be an ensemble production not a duet. Come on, MVP. Step it up.

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  1. Mish Mish says:

    Jess, this is so funny! And ithinm yr right. Danny loves Snooks.

  2. […] girls giving rim jobs […]

  3. […] like to welcome back Shore, Seriously, a weekly column where our editor, Mish Way and staff writer, Jess Bloom critically analysis the […]

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