My Blog__ THINGS (ON THE INTERNET) THAT ARE MAKING ME HAPPY

September 04, 2011 | By

I've been working all day, every day. It's ridiculous. I couldn't get time off this afternoon, so I had to conduct an interview with Darby CiCi of The Antlers over the phone, crouched down by the toilet stall at my work. I put a sign on the bathroom door that said, "Conference Call: Do Not Disturb, Go Next Door". When I came out of the bathroom people thought it was a joke, like I was taking a really long shit or something.

Working all the time means that I'm not really going out (that much), so I'm spending hours before bed with my old friend, the internet. Jobs may suck, boyfriends may go out of town, money may disappear but the internet is forever and she never, never disappoints me.

Amy Odell of The Cut delivered a pretty solid list of The Best and Worst of August Fashion Magazines. She's no Jess Bloom, but she nailed it with this one.

Speaking of nailing it, besides being one of my favorite feminist writers and a big part of Jezebel, Tracie Egan-Morrissey never disappoints in the L.O.L. zone. Remember her old blog, One D At A Time? Way back when she went by the alias, "Slut Machine"? Well, she's now married and a mom-to-be so she's basically blogging about knitting and all the weird shit her body is doing to her. It's just as good as her "I Paid A Male Whore To Rape Me Because I Wanted To" stories, but in a different way.

The other day I listened to this interview with Liam Gallagher where he talked about his new band, Beady Eye. Beady Eye is Oasis without his brother, Noel so it sounds like Beady Eye which is basically just Oasis without Noel. You feel me? Liam was telling the radio host that he wanted to be as a big as The Beatles. The host kind of snickered, then Liam said, "Any band who says they don't want to be as big as The Beatles is fucking lying." I love Liam. Not only for stuff like that, but for stuff like the video above where he kisses a jersey then tries to sing "Blue Moon" in the name of "Manchester football".

I'm not a huge Kayne fan, in fact he kinda makes me cringe (though his hour long music video "projects" are pretty insane). And I understand why Jay-Z is, like, the most important guy in the world and I think his music is great, but let's just say if I interviewed him, I'd feel the same as I would talking to any stranger. (However, if I got to meet "The Waitress" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I'd freeze up and pee my pants.) That being said, the new album from these two super Gods of pop is killing it. I probably would not have even heard it if my boyfriend hadn't played it, over and over and over, every night, for a week straight. "Gotta Have It" is a fucking jam. Holy shit! Who kicks off a song by saying, "White America, assassinate my character"? Bold.

And that reminds me, who the fuck is handling What Courtney Wore Today? And why did they take a leave of absence from the best job in the world? This shit hasn't been updated in over a month. Boo.

I recently read the entire August issue of Elle. Seriously, even the editor's note and all the horoscopes. I came across an article about author, life coach and motivational speaker, Gabrielle Bernstein. Bernstein is the new Carrie Bradshaw, but she isn't about shoes, she's about healing from within. Bernstein used to be big in the night club scene but was unhappy with her life, yaddie yadda yadda, failed relationship, depression and instead of turning to the oven (Sylvia-style), she turned inward and found her "ing". I have wasted countless hours watching Bernstein talk about "expecting miracles" while a whimsical guitar plucks in the back ground. I'm absolutely vexed by the way I feel about this woman and what she represents. I just need people to know that she exists and that women are fucking into this.

And last but not least, ever since I was introduced to The Bachelor Pad, Season 2 (because of that cute little egg-throwing game), I've been hooked. My sister watches the show religiously and she has dragged me down with her. Thank God for the internet or else I might miss out on the insane metal damage being done to these already mentally damaged people. You know how when people "date" they always complain about "mind games" and all that shit? Well, this show is just one big mind game with a bunch of people who are only on t.v. because they a) Really, really, really, really want to be famous for doing nothing, or b) Really, really, really, really want to find true love. I really, really, really, really want to get a pony but sometimes it's just not in the cards.

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