My Blog__ THINGS ON THE INTERNET THAT ARE MAKING ME HAPPY P.3

May 25, 2012 | By

CARLY RAE JEPSEN VS. AVRIL LAVIGNE FOR POP PERFECTION

I don't know anything about writing pop hits. I'm not The Matrix and I would probably be the first one to get kicked off Platinum Hit, but I know what I like in a pop song. I like a heroic, bubble gum chorus that makes me want to sing into my hair brush. I like a song that demands a lip-wrist, cutesy fist pump. I like annoying, sucky-baby lyrics about false feminist liberation or deep and impossible crushes. I want to hear about kissing, not sex. Let's keep it as lame as possible. Up until I heard "Call Me Maybe" by Justin Bieber's protégée Carly Rae Jepsen (who, I'm not going to lie, I thought was Miley Cyrus's cousin or something based on her first name), Lavigne's "What The Hell" was my number one pop song as of late. I'm thinking Jepsen might have her beat. The whole time I watched the official music video for "Call Me Maybe" I was writing a detailed feminist critique in my head about all the things uncool about this video, then the hot guy gave the dude in her "band" his number and I actually LOL'ed. Congrats Jespen, you win.

"UNCLE DREW" OR KYRIE IRVING DOMINATES THE COURT FOR PEPSI MAX

Katy Perry needs to take a lesson from Kyrie Irving. This is one of those rare moments when it's actually appropriate to dress up like an old person.

SPEAKING OF KATY PERRY AND CARLY RAE JEPSEN

I can't believe this is what old Katy "Mom-Face" Perry choses to do with her spare time.

TASTE BUDS LET'S YOU CUM WITH A PERSON WHO DIGS THE SAME SHITTY BANDS YOU DO

The internet dating scene seems pretty mental. Last time, I talked about What's Your Price (or "Your Vagina Has A Price, Ho") now, I'm into TasteBuds.FM. Connecting the world of online dating profiles with Last.FM music encyclopedia, this site let's you find cute singles in your area based on the bands you have in common. For the sake of this trial run, I typed in my own band, Dum Dum Girls and Wax Idols. I also pretended I was our guitarist, Kenny because seriously, what is stopping musicians from finding their fans on here and hitting that up? Taste Buds is basically a groupie data base.

THROWING UP IS COOL, OKAY?

Throwing Up is a band. I love them. As I said before, I'm a sucker for the heroic, bubble gum melody and they do it with a 90's grunge-punk twist. I recently became re-introduced to Throwing Up when their bass player Clare tweeted at me about an article I wrote for Noisey. I checked her out and remembered reading about Throwing Up a few years ago and thinking they were cool. This week, I went on a full-forced Throwing Up marathon rekindling a serious nostalgic love for this band and their whole vibe. Sometimes you just want to sing-a-long and feel good. Throwing Up make me feel good. Plus, I really like that they don't think they sound like Elastica. They totally have Elastica run-off on them! But I know how irritating comparisons are when you want to create your own path as a band, so... sorry, guys.

DESTINO FINAL MEETS DEVON SAWA

I really am into this band Destino Final from Spain that Anne-Marie showed me. However, they are hard to Google since Destino Final means "Final Destination" and that shitty Devon Sawa movie is more popular than they are.

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