My Blog__ UNGARO DESIGNER HOPEFULS

April 20, 2010 | By

According to New York Magazine, Paris couture house, Emanuel Ungaro, is currently searching for a new designer. Last year, the well-established fashion house hired Lindsay Lohan to design and art direct their spring collection. It was a fucking disaster. 76-year-old Ungaro - who is no longer involved with the fashion house that still bears his name himself - was publicly livid and mortified by Lohan's Barbie-pink, slutty cruise-wear contributions. Any clown could have done better than Lohan. Here are some people I think could help Ungaro "set it's design direction on more solid footing" for the upcoming season.

ARIEL PINK

Ariel Pink is a hard working man. Since 1996, he has written and recorded over 500 original songs. He puts out albums like a fish lays eggs. This leads me to believe that he is the kind of guy who thrives on production. He'd be perfect for fashion. Pink would show up on the first meeting with a truck-load of black satin, pink furry scrunchies, mesh and sequins along side a laundry list of chaotic ideas. I imagine Ariel Pink's collection teetering on a gender bending sew-saw, landing somewhere between Victorian Haute Couture and The Trailer Park Boys. The world would eat it right up.

BRITTANY from DEEP TROLL

Brittany lives in Chicago and runs the blog, Deep Troll. Brittany is a collector and, unlike most annoying fashion bloggers who photograph themselves in the latest Opening Ceremony pieces, Brittany takes a chance on Slip Knot corsets, basketball jerseys, gypsy-style drapery and Bone Thugs N Harmony windbreakers. I'm sure she could convince Ungaro to open an online crap store where she could sell all her old books and homemade Henry Rollins dolls (she embroiders his tattoos). She's exactly the kind of folk star craftiness Ungaro needs to pull a new crowd of teenage goths and Chardonnay lovin' house wives. Oh, and she actually CAN sew. That's always a plus.

TOODY COLE

The only reason I would want Toody Cole to design for Ungaro would be in the hope that she would create an army of herself - red button-up cowboy shirt, grey straight-leg jeans and red boots - thundering down the runway. No variation. No trend. No mercy.

LAURA MACKNESS

Laura Mackness is a London-based designer who, compared to the rest of the candidates on this list, is extremely qualified for the job. Laura graduated from Central Saint Martins and her MA collection was selected for London Fashion Week. She's the Magna Cum Laude of fashion school taking home awards like the Colin Barnes Illustration Award, Ducati/Puma Award and the Armani Bursary. Laura's work is the exact collection that Lohan wishes she had the skill, direction and elegance to pull off last season.

GRACE JONES

In the words of Rachel Zoe: Grace Jones is ba-nan-as. She would be ah-ma-zing.

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