July 06, 2009 | By

Getting dumped is hard. Breaking-up is hard. But lying, cheating and getting caught is a whole new scene. This is the most ultimate tug-a-war of self-pity and self-hatred. One minute you're crying for yourself. "I messed up. I didn't mean to. It meant nothing. I shouldn't be punished because it was innocent." Then, the next you're thinking about walking into a bus because you know you were selfish and you hurt someone with that selfishness. "Yeah, he/she is right. I am a piece of shit." And if you and the one you hurt still love/care about one another than this whole situation becomes that much worse. Now begins the long lasting trial of back and forth. You have to wait for that person to decide if they can forgive you for what you did. It's pre-heartbreak and post-fight. It's the worst kind of poetry. People like to use music to heal these moments. I've been reading a lot of heart-break soundtrack lists lately and they all work in favor of the break-up victim. This is the soundtrack of self-pity for the villain.

1. Liz Phair - Girls! Girls! Girls! (Listen here)

Liz Phair made one amazing record and then starting writing shitty songs about hot white cum and eggs and crap. That one amazing record, Exile in Guyville, is basically the female go-to sadness soundtrack. When you cheat, and get away with it at first, this amazing rush comes over you. You can erase it, because it never really happened. Like that whole a tree falling in the woods thing. Then, you start to feel guilty and terrible and it eats away at you until finally ripping out like a tapeworm. This song is for that 30 seconds when you feel like you got away with something.

2. The Breeders - Do You Love Me Now? (Listen here)

Some people just don't ever get out of our heads. We think about them and fantasize how things could have been if that one bad thing didn't happen that pulled you apart. I guess we might all have a little Trip Fontaine in us, but maybe not that severe. Regardless, when you lose someone special you think about them even if you never admit it. In this song Deal nails the shameful yet pondering questions of relationship after-math.

3. The Raincoats - Don't Be Mean (Listen Here)

After you fuck up in a relationship trust is lost so, things change. You're both on eggshells, forever. You: trying to prove that you know what you did wrong and that you love that person only. He/she: trying to pretend they aren't skeptical of your every move. Either way, you are both stuck in that one moment and can't get over your own bullshit and move on. It's really hard. In this song Gina Birch paints a weird portrait of an old couple at the zoo, going senile but still thinking about something that happened years ago. She thinks he is secretly hating on her, he thinks she is going crazy, it's all a big head game. "Well now it's been well over a year and there's no more time for shadding a tear. Yes you left and I behaved badly, but you know at that time I loved you so madly. Don't be mean! Don't be mean!" And yes, punishment can last forever.

4. Them - It Won't Hurt Half As Much (Lyrics Here)

In this song, Van Morrison speaks to you in a voice so all-knowing and gentle it spurs a sliver of hope inside your regretful cheating soul. As Morrison grooves along to the plunking bass lines and tingling guitar riffs one can't help but be convinced. "Yeah, you're right Van. Time does heal all! For him/her and for me. Things change. New beginnings! Everyone goes through heartbreak. Soon this whole thing won't matter! Hey, thanks Van!" This rejuvenated optimism lasts for the entire song, but will die after the drums stop. So, just keep singing the chorus in your head and don't go on facebook.

5. Dead Moon - It's OK (Listen Here)

This song might not really be about loosing love or cheating, but it's an anthem for 'tomorrow is a new day' and the perfect way to start picking it all back up again. Plus the love between frontman Fred Cole and his wife and bassist, Toody is enough to make any shit-head believe in miracles.

6. Jawbreaker - Do You Still Hate Me? (Listen Here)

This is the ultimate missing-someone-with-no-closure song. The heart-wrenching pop-punk perfection, the overly relatable lyrics, the melodrama. Oh, the melodrama. This song is the moment when you see the person six months after it's over. You make eyes across a room but you don't talk. You can't. You don't have the balls to say a word. It kills you. You have too many things to say. If you went over, it would be verbal diarrhea followed by a weird trail of "I'm sorry", then maybe even public crying. Instead of going through the mortification, suppress it, go home and let Jawbreaker do the talking for you.

7. Jay Reatard - Fading All Away (Listen Here)

"Time may heal wounds, but [bitch] I will kill you. Slowly fading all away."

This is the song your broken hearted ex is sharpening his knives to.

8. Julie Ruin - Apt #5 (Listen Here)

This songs works well in any break-up. Cheating or no cheating, the narrative alludes to a fuck-up from both partners and skips the poor-me bullshit. Best part, the song is basically taken from an angry teenage girls diary, fixating heavily on break-up gossip from friends and ending with a flippant "whatever" attitude. "You can tell yourself your the one who tried/You can tell your friends how many times I made you cry/You can tell anyone anything you want, but if your going to talk about how I deserved what you did you can look now cuz I'm gone." Revolution OVER IT style now! When I was sixteen, this was my anthem for just desserts.

9. Thin Lizzy - Bad Reputation (Listen Here)

This song is basically a warning for behaviour change to all cheaters. Phil Lynott scolds the subject for his/her "bad reputation" which might be intriguing to potential suitors for a minute, but "will only bring you down" later. Overall, it's the rock n roll version of "check yourself before you wreck yourself".

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