This is Mish Way and Jess Bloom’s Shore, Seriously. We’ve been hanging on for dear life, but in Season 5 the thread is thinning fast.

Here’s what happened at The Shore house this week. Snooki peed her pants, Mike walked around with his dick hanging out and the gang played “Warm Beer”. I’m sick of Mike’s constant inner battle between loyal and betrayal. I’m sick of “getting wasted” being the only activity these people do. Has anyone else noticed that no one is having sex this season? It’s boring. What happened to the days of hook-ups between the cast members, stalkers and bar-sexual three-some make-outs? When is Ronnie going to “motor boat” a waitress again? I miss the sex. I miss the fighting. Take me back to the monster truck rally, guidos!

I’ve decided that the only way to make this show enjoyable is to focus very closely on the cast’s daily conversations with one another. When you break it down, it’s enough to question if the binge drinking has actually affected their brains. This week, Sam and Deena tried to deconstruct the science of electricity after Deena is shocked by a wall outlet.

Deena: Sam! I just got electrocuted. My hand hurts. When you get electrocuted does it mean you get fucked up?

Sam: Like, what do you mean?

Deena: Like, do you think my brain is all crazy?

Sam: Like, your brain is crazy? I don’t think so. I think you will be okay. Police zap criminals with their electric guns all the time and they’re alright.

Deena: Oh, that’s true. Maybe it just shocks you a little bit. Is it the same electrical though?

Sam: It has to be. There is different electrocutions?

Deena: I think so. I think, like, wall electrocution is, like, electronics.

Sam: Yeah, but I think, like, when the police do it they zap the people and they go down because it’s so bad, like, you just got a little zap in your arm. You should be alright.

Deena: Yeah.

Word for word.

Every Saturday we select a photo from our Flickr pool to be featured on hearty

John Picton is a 29-year-old photographer from Liverpool. He got into photography a couple years back, when he moved back home to Liverpool after a long time in London. “Taking pictures is a great way to (re)connect with a place, so at first I used to go to places I remembered from childhood, armed with a camera,” John says. “Then I grew to love photography. I could happily go out and shoot every day.”

The photo above was taken while camping with friends in the Severn Valley in England. John is from the city, so taking rural shots are far and few between. “The horse came right up to me and stared me in the eyes; he probably thought that I was going to feed him!”

John’s camera’s of preference are the DLSR Olympus E620, SLR Olympus OM1 and a Yashica T5. His favorite though is the little Yashica, which John says, “might be cliche, but that camera is a compact wonder.”

To see more of John’s work, please take a look at John’s Flickr and his blog.

Want to be featured on hearty’s Saturday Selection? Get a Flickr and start uploading, or email us at click@heartymagazine.com!

Spice up your TV life with a few of these lesser-known favorites

In honor of Hearty’s new blog, The Box, where we cover everything from foreign films to crappy reality TV, Jess Bloom has put together a list of shows you should check out. The first installment of “Put it in Your Box” features scripted television. The real stuff. From one-season wonders to widely-acclaimed series, these shows highlight solid writing and fine acting. If you’ve got something you think we should see, let us know.

Click here to see Jess Bloom’s tv suggestions.

Spice up your TV life with a few of these lesser-known favorites

In honor of Hearty’s new blog, The Box, I’ve put together a list of shows you should check out. The first installment of “Put it in Your Box” features scripted television. The real stuff. From one-season wonders to widely-acclaimed series, these shows highlight solid writing and fine acting. I haven’t bothered to include cult classics like The Wire and Twin Peaks because you should know that shit already. If you’ve got something you think I should see, let me know. For instance, I haven’t seen The IT Crowd. Worth it? Or what about Veronica Mars? Some reputable sources have lauded it but I’m skeptical because it’s got a dumb title. Anyway, click here to see my TV suggestions…

Kilo – Ghostface ft. Raekwon

Making cab cars split into two, having football players protect her from gun shots, breast feeding a fake doll and working with both Nicki Minaj and M.I.A., Madonna is obviously still doing her thing

Madonna, the reigning queen of pop, (yes still to this day) knows how to keep herself relevant. If it’s not making out with Britney Spears, it’s collaborating with two of the hottest MC chicks around–Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. on her new single “Give Me All Your Luvin’.” Instead of trash talking or competing with the ladies that came after her, she works with them–it’s a smart tactic and it works. Girl power.

M.I.A.’s new video for “Bad Girls” from Director Romain Gavras

M.I.A.’s new video for “Bad Girls” premiered this morning and was created with French Director Romain Gavras, the creative visionary responsible for  MIA’s iconic “Born Free” video that infamously emblazoned ginger genocide into the mainstream public eye. After watching this video it’s clear that something big happens when M.I.A. and Gavras get together.

Shot in Ouarzazate, Morocco–the same place Lawrence of Arabia was shot in the ’60′s–these “Bad Girls” are the female vanguard of Saudi drag racing gangs wreaking havoc in their fleet of 90′s BMWs. Watching M.I.A. file her nails, decked out in crazy fashion, perched on top of a white M3 as it skis (drives on two wheels) across the Moroccan desert, it’s hard to find another word than “epic” to describe it.

Bad girl armies in the Middle Eastern desert? This video has all the stylistic success that Beyonce’s “Who Run The World” didn’t have. Though that may have more to do with the perceived authenticity ascribed to M.I.A. by virtue of her political voice and activism about her Saudi identity or to the superior production of Gavras’ team than anything that came directly from MIA. Regardless, “Bad Girls” has an irony that Beyonce’s foray into Middle Eastern military imagery couldn’t achieve.

As far as the music, M.I.A.’s producer Danja reworked the first version of the track that was released on her Vicki Leekx mixtape and we have a feeling this might be her biggest banger in a while. Radio and club audiences love M.I.A.’s one-liners and it seems safe to say that “My chain hits my chest” is something that will be hollered by many-a-fan in the same way as “I fly like paper, get high like planes.”

Watch the video for M.I.A.’s “Bad Girls” below and tell us what you think.

Collaborations hit the beach this swimming season

Two french brands have teamed up to have you hopping in the water all summer long. A.P.C. and  Tooshie have put together an 11 piece line of bikinis, onesies and even trunks for men. Simple in design, with psychedelic prints balanced by neutral colors, these suits will be seen on bums everywhere all summer long.

See more form the A.P.C. X Tooshie bathing suit collection below.

Just line up the juice, baybay

Lana Del Rey might be the most talked about pop tart on Twitter, but for Jessica Hopper, she’s also worth deconstructing. #mustread [SPIN]

Seth Bogart does the Nirvana swim for cash in the new Hunx and his Punx video “Always Forever.” [SF Weekly]

Jail letter. Teen love. All the above. [VICE]

Frances Bean Cobain tells the world that her mother Courtney Love killed her childhood pets with her prescription pills and messy house. She also calls out Love for existing on a diet of “Xanax, Adderall, Sonata and Abilify, sugar and cigarettes.” [The Georgia Straight]

Mayor Michael Bloomberg gives $250,000 to Planned Parenthood. [New York Magazine]

Sweden-born artist Sanna Dullaway injects color into the classics. [GOOD]

Nail art is pretty much the new black these days. [Tracie Egan Morrissey]

Everyone hates Lana Del Rey because she sings like a dying battery and she had her lips pumped up to high volume. A few years ago, she was merely a little blonde girl named Lizzy Grant with a big dream of singing her heart out. Now, she has re-emerged (on her daddy’s dime, apparently) as Lana Del Rey to bring us a new brand of pop: Nancy Sinatra sex appeal meets gangsta rap. Arguments about the “authenticity” of mainstream stars are pointless, so why do we scorn her so deeply? Her album Born To Die has received an endless amount of negative reviews and her SNL performance will go down in history as the rotten tomato of 2011. It seems like the whole world hates Lana Del Rey. Do you?