News__ A-Z OF 2009

December 30, 2009 | By

HEARTY'S A-Z OF 2009

2009 is almost over. What are you doing for New Years? Who cares. What are you going to wear? Nothing? Us too. We decided we better find a way to talk about all the great things that happened this year, hence the list. From Dave Letterman's scandal to Doc Martens to Vampires to Lady Gaga and her teeny tweeny, this year has been the usual bomb of popular culture. We couldn't get them all (the alphabet is only so long) but we tried our best to capture 2009 into a digital alphabetical capsule. Honorable mention goes to abortion rights, botox, objectum sexuals, Amanda Knox, Sarah Haskins, health care, Michelle Obama, vinyl, MOM, death metal, iphone applications and Legally Blonde: The Musical.

Cheers 2009! Now, get lost.

By: Mish Way and Maya Beaudry

A is for Atlanta and the Real House Wives.

The Real House Wives of Atlanta blew up like a stripper out of the top of a giant vanilla cake. Big rings, big bottles of Chardonnay, big independence parties, big clothing lines and a real big dose of suburban drama. They developed a whole new breed of "domestic goddess." Anyone out there who says they didn't love to hate Kim's smash hit, "Tardy for the Party" is lying through her Crest White Strips.

B is for Baby Boys or "The New Male Beauty".

Back in June Irina Aleksander of The New York Observer wrote about "The New Male Beauty," a trend in which celebrity men were starting to look like little girls. Credentials? "Wide-set eyes, the narrow nose that flares up at the tip just so, the childish puffy cheeks and the not-too-rugged jaw lines, topped with carefully placed strands of layered hair." Dudes like Chace Crawford, Zack Efron and Robert Pattinson stole the hunk spotlight destroying the manly man ideal of Clooney and Pitt's past. Why did people care? Oh, because men were becoming women! This is wrong! What to do? Blame the feminists and the gays. It's usually their fault anyhow.

C is for Cheating.

Letterman, Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin and yeah, you know you did it too.

D is for Doc Martens.

And every other totally 90's trend that came back this year. Flannels, Kool-Aid hair, ripped tights, floral baby doll dresses and bleached jean vests were all resurrected for a zombie-like take over. Girls were cutting their brand-new $50 leggings to look as haggard as Jennifer Finch's underwear. Lame.

E is for Eminen.

What's that guy been up to? Breaking his five year hiatus with an unsuccessful comeback album.

F is for Flu (of the Swine variety).

H1N1 was a big deal for about a minute, and then everyone realized it went away in 2 days and that it was a universally acceptable reason to miss work. University students everywhere capitalized on the fact that extensions were being handed out like free condoms and partied their way through term papers and finals.

G is for Gaga.

Lady Gaga is a really big deal. She is also really smart. This is a good thing, we think.

H is for Hating Hipsters.

Hatred for hipsters has been steadily accumulating for the second half of the decade. In 2009, hipsters were universally shit on by the masses for a variety of (often totally legitimate) reasons. This mass disdain managed to entirely discredit an entire generation's creative community while using American Apparel employees and Urban Outfitters mannequins as a prototype for people in tight jeans everywhere.

I is for Inaguration.

Or the first black president of the United States. Obviously.

J is for Jenny Humphreys a.k.a Lil J a.k.a Taylor Momsen.

Season 4 of Gossip Girl was most notably marked by Jenny Humphrey's contrived and confusing new "punk" look (and music career?). In the media, she took full credit for both her stylist's and her song-writers work, and gave out positive advice for young girls everywhere, explaining that high school was too boring to finish, and that artists don't need trigonometry. She also really pissed off Courtney Love, which made Mish hate her forever.

K is for Kanye going Krazy.

Dear Kanye: I'm sorry B didn't get to take home another weird moonman thing, but its a VMA for a music video, not a Nobel Prize. I realize that you're starting to think you're God, but try to take a hint from ODB, and save your disruptions for the Grammy's.

L is for Lo-Fi.

In 2009, every "cool" new band sounded like you were hearing them from inside the bathroom of a shitty house party, wearing earmuffs.

M is for MTV.

Between Jersey Shore and Teen Mom, MTV made us all thankful for the lives we lead and the people we don't have to hang out with.

N is for New York.

That place is still cool, right?

O is for Over-sharing.

Thanks to Facebook refusing to die and the eruption of Twitter, all of a sudden everyone knew what every person they didn't care about was doing at every second of the day. Status updates from Joe Nobody to drunken chicks discussing their intimate affairs via comment not message (whoops), to celebrities like P. Diddy tweeting so often a drinking game was created to play with his catch-phrase updates. The absurdity and hilarity of this wasn't lost on anyone with half a brain, and websites like lamebook.com managed to catch a few gems (click here).

P is for Plus-Size Models.

2009 brought a new body to the fashion editorial landscape--the "plus-size model." Beautiful, bodacious babes like Crystal Renn and Lizzie Miller shocked the world by daring to smile for glossy magazines and speak out to the media about their personal stories of the industry. Miller and Renn--whether intentional or not--gave the average woman something to relate to. But the plus-size invasion didn't please everyone, especially knitwear designer Mark Fast's stylists who walked out of a runway show because they didn't want to work with bigger models.

Q is for Quit.

Didn't have time to quit smoking, artificial sweeteners, drinking and pork this year? 2010 is all lined up for you.

R is for Recessionista.

Instead of spending thousands on a sequined dress with feathers, women were encouraged to go Recessionista by spending the same amount on a less flashy number. Think well-tailored, plain sturdy fabrics in form-fitting shapes that give the illusion of penny pinching in these dire times. The philosophy behind Recessionista? Don't look rich, but don't look homeless (that is so M.K and Ash circa 2006).

S is for Speidi.

No one can deny that this was the year of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Over the past year, we have watched as Heidi and Spencer molded into one super-synthetic, super-annoying super-human, posing and interviewing for Playboy, dancing at the Miss Universe Pagent, writing a book and slagging Al Roker via twitter. You know you've made it when, right?

T is for Tavi a.k.a Style Rookie.

Who ever thought that a thirteen-year-old fashion blogger from Who-Cares-Ville, U.S.A could become a major figure in high fashion? Certainly not Elle's editor, Anne Slowey, who dogged Tavi for her rapid rise to power. The Tavi phenomenon will go down in history as an unforgettable moment in fashion blogging fame. Like some kind of modern-day Herstory about bursting to the top. "I blog therefore I will... take your high-profile job, report at Fashion Week and team up with Target. Don't try to stop me. I'm in f--king middle school, k?"

U is for Unexpected Celebrity Deaths.

This year we lost a big chunk of Hollywood to mysterious causes. Most recently, Brittany Murphy died from "cardiac arrest" leaving the world curious about this ultra-thin actresses troubling search for stardom. The King of Pop, Micheal Jackson, sent a wave of shock through the world when he passed away this past June. And the always-iconic Farrah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, supermodel Dual Kim, artist Dash Snow, British reality star Jade Goody and Natasha Richardson all were filed under R.I.P this year. The world lost some good ones, no doubt.

V is for Vampires.

Vampires aren't just for weird gothy teens anymore. Twilight taught us that true love means that your boyfriend actually wants to kill you and that abstinence in teens actually happens.

W is for "Where the Wild Things Are".

Music snobs made fun of this for being a 2-hour indie rock music video. But HELLO?! A 2-hour music video is the best possible thing to watch when stoned. This movie ruled, and it made everyone cry for weird personal reasons.

X is for...

Nothing actually starts with X. Next.

Y is for Youtube.

Because it still totally rules.

Z is for WeeZy.

No it isn't, but all the other letters were taken. In 2009 the "Best Rapper Alive" was put on blast in The Carter, a feature length documentary that revealed his steady diet of cough syrup and ecstasy. For those of us who have kept a soft spot in our hearts for that little dude from Cash Money, the movie was kind of a tragic look at success in the rap world.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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