NEWS / Eligible Bachelors for V-Day


By Kenza | February 9, 2011 | Link | 18 Responses
Just when you thought all hope was lost in finding a five star eligible bachelor, hearty has gone to the depths of the finest dive bars, studios (photo and music) and internet lurking spaces to bring you: HEARTY'S ELIGIBLE BACHELORS FOR V-DAY These men run the gamut from musicians to tattoo shop owners to fashion guys and photographers, and include heavy hitters like DJ A-Trak of Fool's Gold Records and P-Thugg of Chromeo. You have just enough time to track them down before the 14th and make them yours. And if not, chocolate is always an option, don't let the writing on the back of the box discourage you. Warning: Don't suck on one of those heart shaped cinnamon candies while reading this,  the answers are hilarious and we don’t want to be responsible for anyone choking on Valentine’s Day. Let the stalking begin!

THE ROMANTIC

Name: Mayer Hawthorne Age you act: As young as I can get away with. Job: I'm an equal opportunity food eater, and I sing on the side. A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? “I like my asses fat not flat” -Quasimoto Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. I mean, a day at the beach is awesome for me. Going and laying out on the beach and hitting the ocean. We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? “Of course we do!” One word to describe your skills in the sack: BOOM! What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? I love when girls wear men’s underwear. Like boy shorts. So my underwear! If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: I always wanna meet girls that are independent and can do their own thing. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? Alone. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE FUNNY INTELLECTUAL

Name:Paul Labonté Age you act: 15 going on 80 Job: Writer/Photographer Publisher of books A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? I'm lookin for, southern girl that cook like Patti LaBelle big ghetto booty, scarf over doobie (what?) Chanel under the Louis, Gucci over booty Vicki covered titties, attitude of the city pretty, witty, girly, whirly one who likes to party but come home early light kinda dark, short sorta tall slim, kinda thick I swear I love 'em all Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. The park. A nice bottle of grape juice, sopressata, baguette, some cheese. It's in the fridge either way, I'm not a student. We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? Who says? One word to describe your skills in the sack: Clutch What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? An oxford shirt. Just. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: I never had a MySpace. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? Locked down. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE ENTREPRENEUR

Name: Alain Macklovitch (DJ A-Trak) Age you act: 16 to 36 depending on the situation Job: DJ / producer / label owner A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? "Evil Woman" by E.L.O. Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. What's more romantic than chasing squirrels around at the park? We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? It's a step in the right direction. One word to describe your skills in the sack: Rambunctious. What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? V-neck. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: Neneh Cherry circa "Buffalo Stance" Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? On an airplane. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE BAD BOY

Name: Hayden Menzies Age you act: act: About 12... Job: I'm a visual artist,  tattoo shop owner and I play in a band called METZ. A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? "Mongoloid he was a mongoloid, happier than you and me..." - Devo Come up with a creative "free" date. (as in cost no $) This is probably good practice since I am usually broke. A cost free date would definitely NOT include anything that is more funny or entertaining than me. If I have no money, I need what little ammunition I have.  A dog walk is always good. I have to do that anyway... And I might be able to convince them to pick up her shit so I don't have to. Regardless, it's a fairly stress free way to talk to someone and get to know them. Unless they hate dogs, then to hell with them. If I know far enough in advance about the date, I can have my mom prepare food and mail it down. Free of charge obviously. She knows better than to send c.o.d. Like last time. I'm not terribly creative with this sort of thing, so I guess anything that actually allows both people to do what they are there to do, which is figure each other out, but also something that's distracting enough that you don't have too much time to think and actually react to things the way you normally would, and not get freaked out by the fact that you are one on one with a stranger! Who's idea was this? Building stuff is fun, collaborative drawing, cooking ( if you steal the ingredients so they are at no cost). Some sort of map to something! A treasure map you've drawn, or a place in your city you've never been to and have to figure out how to get there for free. No better way to tell if you get along with someone than by trying to navigate with them. Sheesh. That's all I have. It's not specific but... We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? "Who asked you shit head !?" One word to describe your skills in bed: Tragic. What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? Cooperalls. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: I used to think it would just be Heroes of mine, people can be interesting in all sorts if ways. I don't necessarily need to think they are cool to want to meet them, and those who are in my mind, should maybe be left that way......Probably Vivica A Fox. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? Any way that exaggerates the importance of Valentine's Day. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE SPONTANEOUS GUY

What's your name? P-Thugg How old do you act? 12 What do you do? I make dancing music and sexy time A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? "P.Y.T." pretty much sums it all up... Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. Crash a wedding and finish the night sneaking in a trendy hotel's pool. We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? Ew, that's my cousin you creep! One word to describe your skills in the sack: Intricate. What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? Socks, hoodie and du-rag. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: Jessica Alba. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? In a restaurant. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE PRETTY BOY

Name: Heron Preston Age you act: I go 18! Job: Brand Marketing, Nike Sportswear A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? “Thinkin’ about a certain…certain somebody, that perfect somebody, sexy purple body, she got service road curves and highway eyes, the road to her soul, just follow the road signs, and holla if you hear me i love it when she near me, I hate when she away 'cause Satan will see the day, that hell freeze over before I let her go, and let one of you bitch niggas get her no, no, no.” – Lil’ Wayne, Me and My Drank! Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. Uhm, I do those all the time.  I have good friends in high places.  Dope concerts, SNL, restaurants tastings, intimate evenings with hi profile guests, movie premiers, fun parties, etc. I love to show girls MY NEW YORK. Share the wealth, you know? It’s easy to pull off fun free nights in New York if you’ve been living here for awhile and have built relationships with the right people... We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? The response is all in the eyes! Don’t really need to say anything.  If she’s feeling me, and I’m feeling her, our eyes will say the rest.  It’s such a good look when someone co-signs!  That’s money. One word to describe your skills in the sack: DUH! What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? Nothing but my muthafucken Ralph Lauren socks! If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: Martha Stewart Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's Day? No sex with my date. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE "ATHLETE"

Name: Jimmy Gorecki Age you act: I act 40 Job: I'm a technical consultant with Disney Television helping them create skateboarding based content. I also do marketing for Gourmet Footwear's skate line. A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? "My mona lisa painting on the wall came to life." - Rick Ross Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. At the crib watching either an Eagles, Phillies, or Sixers game. If you even slightly cheer for the opposing team you're out. We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? "Oh god. Of course we do." (very sarcastically) One word to describe your skills in the sack: "Whoa." What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? One of my button down Polos. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: She knows who I'm thinking about. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? Third wheeling it. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE FASHION EXPERT

Name: Steve Dool Age You Act: 26 Job: Publicist at BPMW A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? “Lovely Rita / meter maid / nothing can come between us.” I have a thing for civil servants. Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. There are so many fun, creative ways to go on a date that don’t cost a penny: walks along the High Line, watching the sunset from Battery Park, people watching in Soho. Also, I memorized my mom’s credit card number, so when we get bored we can go do something real and it will still be free for us. We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? I would say, “Well, she makes me look good.” But, I would wink when I said it so that it would be clear that I really meant that I make her look good. And then I would go in for a high-five. One word to describe your skills in the sack: Cautiously optimistic. Two words, sorry. What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? My smock from middle school art class. It’s open in the back. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: Your Mom. Or Gandhi. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? On a beach at dusk, we’re enjoying a candlelit dinner for two, sipping a glass of the finest champagne and a platter of gourmet cheeses from the south of France, while we look out over the water as waves gently crash against the shore…and the only topic of conversation is your feelings. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE LURKER

Name: Neek Age you act: 48 Job: Head Lurker at Stussy Las Vegas A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? I haven't got a stitch to wear. Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. Going on a cruise. A.K.A riding along in my ride about an inch off the ground going around town listening to music. Probably going to a car meet, she might get bored but hey it's what I like to do on my day's off... We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? Uh...thanks. One word to describe your skills in the sack: Slow What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? Probably some loose fitting Neighborhood jeans and a Pull over hoodie. I love when girls wear looser fitting clothes. Peep the Bape lookbooks with those cute Japanese girls in mens tee's and jeans. So nice. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: Japanese girls Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's Day? Laying under a cherry blossom tree. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE "SPECIALIST"

Name: Mel D. Cole Age you act: 24 when I go out and 34 when I stay home. Job: Photographer A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? "....her look is timeless" (c) Jesse Boykins III from B4 The Night is Thru Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. OPEN BAR...HOLLER! We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? I would say, well maybe we should see how good we look together with out clothes on, laying in a bed with my reproduction tool pumping you full of black mandingo-ness! One word to describe your skills in the sack: Specialist What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? My white V necks. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: It would say....Natalie Portman before the pregnancy. She is so fucking yummy! Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's Day? Having sex in a bathroom of Max Fish. No wait that's a lie. That would be kinda hot. Hmm...Oh I got it! I would hate to spend Valentine's day talking to Dr. Darcy. That would suck. All I would do is think about fucking her and knowing that I can't on "lovers" day, it would annoy the shit out of me. She is such a babe! I bet ALL the ladies want some of this now! Haha. Click to see our next bachelor here.

THE DJ

What's your name: DJ Excel How old do you act: 13 What do you do: Live A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? "The butterfly uh uh that's old, let me see you tootsie roll!" Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. Me, you and whatever is in the fridge. We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? You're welcome. One word to describe your skills in the sack: Scubadiver What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? Hewy Lewis & The News tank If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: Steve Jobs, Obama, Oprah, Bill Gates, Frank Sinatra, Larry Levan, Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johannson, Andy Warhol Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? Foreign country jail. Click to see our next bachelor here.

BABY FACE

Name: Stefano Foini Age you act: 20 Job: THE-UNDISPUTED founder and director A song lyric that describes what you look for in a woman? I think "It is strong and you are tough, But a heart is not enough" from David Byrne and Brian Eno's "Strange Overtones" it's the most meaningful to me. I like independent and somehow selfish women, because they turn out to be the most loving ones when you really need it. Come up with a creative free (ie no $) date. Let's go out and take pics of old people! I like old people because they just don't care about anything, they're not embarrassed in any way and thus you can see grannies and grandpas around the city doing curious things wearing their weirdest clothes. Old people are so funny! We're not dating, but someone says we look good together. What's your response? We're actually dating, it's just she still doesn't know. One word to describe your skills in the sack: WOO HOO What clothing of yours does a girl look best in? Does underwear count? Just because it wont cover everything. If not, my second choice are henley shirts. Basically because they will be largely oversize, making a girl look so tiny and cute. Waking up to a girl wearing my shirt makes me want to start over what I was doing the night before. If MySpace was still popular, what would your "Who I'd Like To Meet?" say: The fat kid from The Goonies, Larry Clark, Lou Reed and Rei Kawakubo to name a few. Last way you'd want to spend Valentine's day? Spending it alone, whether I may have a girl or not. Even this applies all year round, I always try to get together with my closest friends whenever possible. Click here to cruise our bachelors again!

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COMMENTS


18 Responses to “Eligible Bachelors for V-Day”

  1. Dear Mayer Hawthorne,

    Be my bespectacled valentine. I will rub coconut oil on your back at the beach and tell you about all the thangs I’m doing.

    Big booty luv,

    Agent Lover


  2. Mira

    Love them all!

    My fav:

    Let’s go out and take pics of old people! I like old people because they just don’t care about anything, they’re not embarrassed in any way and thus you can see grannies and grandpas around the city doing curious things wearing their weirdest clothes. Old people are so funny!


  3. Gillian

    Stefano Foini – I like me a ginger…


  4. Charlotte

    “I’m not a student”


  5. Damn Baby, come up and see me!


  6. Kenza

    Damn… I got me like 10 Valentines right thurrr…


  7. Mish

    Hey Jimmy Gorecki

    My name is Mish. I’m a writer and editor here at Hearty. You should really come over some time.

    Not kidding.

    Okay, kidding.

    Not kidding at all.

    #noshame

    - Mish


  8. I’ll be at Max Fish on monday……
    just saying.

    xoxo Natalie Portman


  9. Steve Dool is gorgeous.


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  11. i agree, charlotte. there’s nothing dreamier than a boy who already has food in his fridge…and the fridge isn’t a mini one.


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