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Let's get crazy and count every pulse in our lady places

Watching Hannah on deadline, while being on deadline, to write about Hannah on deadline, creates a strange meta effect of recap writing. As soon as she counted out eight chips and ate them in eight chews, I was all, "Daaaaamn, girl. That's a clever out." I took six sips of my wine, twirled my hair six times and was totally ready to crazy my way out of this deadline. Depression? Who isn't depressed? You can't get out of a deadline with run-of-the-mill depression. OCD? Can't mess with that. Gold mine. (Gold mine, gold mine, gold mine, gold mine, gold mine, gold mine.)

Turns out Hannah wasn't faking. The episode was, after all, called, "It's Back." It took me several moments after the closing credits to concede that this wasn't a ruse. Hannah's not exactly trustworthy. She's dramatic, exaggerates and lies. Two episodes ago, she exchanged small lies of tremendous emotional depth with Marnie over the phone. When she calls her parents at the end of "Video Games," they accuse her of needing something. Hannah says, "I was calling to thank you for making me feel so supported as a child." Her mother says, "I'm not falling for this crap."

You know that thing that happens where one day you realize that you're exactly like your less compatible parent? I had that epiphany for Hannah after "It's Back." Hannah and her mother are a two-headed beast pulling in opposite directions. Watching them cut each other off with self-absorbed statements was a great example of Lena Dunham's dry humor. If you compare Tiny Furniture to the episodes of Girls featuring additional writers, it's easy to see where Dunham's dryness meets a goofier voice.

The writers of "It's Back" were former New York Times writer Deborah Schoeneman and newcomer Steven Rubinshteyn. Two solid Irish names. Joking--only a couple of Jews could have penned such an anxiety-filled episode wherein someone gets rich through business. First, Marnie surprised us all by rocking adult pigtails, then Charlie surprised Marnie by selling an app.

Whoever did the hair for this episode was a genius. Someone make a coffee table book called, The Many Hairstyles of Shoshanna.

Anyway, Marnie stalked her ex-boyfriend in his Chelsea office and he acted like a total dick. Shocker. Charlie's a dick--now he's found his rightful place as king of the dicks. He pretends to be above it because he doesn't care about free candy, but moments before he made a bad boss joke about a fake account that was worthy of David Brent.

In her magician's assistant uniform, Marnie announces that, "It doesn't matter how right you do things because you know who ends up living their dreams? Are like, sad messes like Charlie. And the people who end up flailing behind are people like [her], who have their shit together."

Ray congratulates her on a life lesson learned and listens to a rendition of Norah Jones that doesn't entirely suck. Old Ray would have jumped all over this misery-loves-company situation and egged on Marnie's downward spiral of entitlement and disappointment, but new Ray played it like a peewee coach down ten points in the last quarter (I don't know if that makes sense because I don't do sports).

He tells her, "Turn this potential energy into kinetic energy. Stop being a cartographer and be an explorer." Survey says, LL cool Ray. Unfortunately, one lady doesn't love Ray too much and it might make homeboy change his tune.

During Ray's inspirational speech, Shoshanna is boning a man in uniform, albeit a doorman's uniform. Shosh freaked out and fucked the first thing with a raised eyebrow. Happens to the best of us--although the same can't be said for a single blonde hair extension. This sexual encounter will either mark Shoshanna's wild child phase where she samples every dish on the buffet, or she'll decide she likes Ray's flavor better than Doorman Dude and get cozy in a relationship. Based on her speech to that weird Snooki-esque chick, it's buffet time.

There were so many new characters in this episode! We got used to those static yet deep episodes this season but "It's Back" raced along pulling new threads from every blanket (again, don't know if that makes sense because I don't do crafts). Adam's dating Shiri Appleby which might actually prove that Adam's an alien (Roswell joke!). I would probably date her mom but that's because I have a Joan Rivers complex. Regardless, it's nice to see Adam happy and drinking 100% less sour milk. My prediction is that we're going to see more of Shiri but not Doorman or rollerblading Radhika.

Hannah's therapist could be a reoccurring role too. In his podcast interview with Lena Dunham, Alec Baldwin volunteered to play the role of Hannah's therapist. If they pull a Becky (Roseanne joke!), we won't care. We're rounding the corner of season two, with only a couple of episodes left. I look forward to the inevitable discussion about Hannah's mental illness, Shoshanna's slutscapades and Marnie's adult contemporary crooning.

Read last week's recap here.

-Jess Bloom

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