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RESOLUTION: “I Will Help My Friend Who Has a Kid”

EXPERT: Desiree Velasco of The BoobsMilk and full-time Mommy

When you're young and used to caring only for yourself, (and possibly your cat or immature boyfriend) it can be hard to imagine taking care of a kid. And since the transition from bouncing your booty in the club to bouncing a baby on your hip is difficult enough, everyone needs a little help from their friends. You want to be there for your girl and get to know that precious little bundle of joy she's been gifted with, but you don't know a diaper from a pair of granny panties. We're calling in the big guns to help you, help your mommy friends out.

Desiree Velasco has big opinions, big boobs, a big vocabulary and one tiny little angel that she loves with all her heart. The author of the blog TheBoobs used to feature sex, video games and a fiery hatred for Lil Mama. Since becoming a big mama herself, she has reset her sights on all the "shit" you deal with as a mother on her new Tumblr, TheBoobsMilk. Nudity is no longer a daily guarantee. But she still covers a love of tattoos, reality TV, nail art, Teen Mom 2, healthy lifestyles, and pictures of her beautiful family. Desiree knows the challenges of balancing personal life and mommy life. And seeing as none of the hearty girls are yet to contribute to the world's population, we asked her some questions about taking care of those smaller and more adorable human beings known as "children." As part of your 2012 resolutions, help those in your life who have added "mom" to their job descriptions.

Read Desiree's mommy tips below and set yourself a cut above Kim Kardashian's baby sitting skills in our Help with 12 Resolutions for 2012: I Will Help My Friend Who Has a Kid.

What was the first thing you thought when you found out you were going to be a mama?

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. Then I calmed down and was excited, then I remembered I had to tell Kevin (my babydaddy/boyfriend), then I went back to "oh shit oh shit oh shit." After everything, I was finally more than ecstatic. For years, I thought I couldn't get pregnant, she (Zoe) really came out of nowhere.

Any tips/tricks to survive the whole, you know, child birth thing?

It's really not that bad! Well let me take that back, I didn't have a terrifying child birth. Like my pregnancy, it was a very chill childbirth, she came out within a few pushes. If I did have any tips, I'd say remain calm as much as possible. OH YEAH, I was adamant on not getting Pitocin. Pitocin is a synthetic drug they give to you to increase your contractions, however it makes them extremely painful.  I decided early on that that shit was not gon' fly with me! I also walked around the hospital a bit to help bring her down before deciding to get a epidural (you can't move after that).

How old is your baby?

She's going to be a year in a week! I can't believe it.

What is the most helpful thing a friend did for you after you first gave birth?

My girl Nadine came over one night when I was up late watching the baby. She helped me out with feeding and just generally holding her so I could take a bath because you know, a new mommy forgets her cleaning regime. It flies out the window as soon as you get home from the hospital.

What are some other things you would suggest friends do for their friends with babies?

Be understanding--understand that we can no longer really go out like we used to and understand that our responsibilities are with us for the rest of our lives now. Also, come see us once in a while. I was out living in LA for awhile but now I live in Orange County and it's a bummer knowing that majority of my friends have not seen my daughter, or volunteered to come out and see her. I get it, we all have lives but there were points early on that I felt like I had some sort of plague because it felt like I was avoided to some degree.

What are some red flags you watch for that would prevent you from letting one of your friends babysit?

If my friend seems like she would rather brush her hair then play with my daughter, that's a red flag. If they're talking about where the next party is and always look hungover, that's a red flag. Basically I wouldn't just let anyone watch my child. Most of the the time, her grandparents on either side will watch her but if they cant, I only have 2 people in mind and it's because they've been apart of her life since she was born and are practically her aunt/uncle.

What advice would you give someone who is going to be babysitting your baby?

She's a handful, not bratty, but oh my lord does this child have energy. She doesn't walk yet but she can crawl like a motha! If you don't keep your eye on her, she will get into about anything and everything. She's smart and she knows she's got everyone else wrapped around her finger but her mom and dad. Also she has a strict routine, she can't fail from that routine otherwise she will get fussy and her sleep regime will be off.

Let's talk diaper changing: tips, tricks, tools?

When they are younger, it's pretty easy to change a diaper. But when they get older, they like to move, look around, sit up, basically NOT BE STILL. My trick is to distract. Give them something to hold on to. Most of the time, I give her the new diaper I'm about to put on her. She's completely enthralled in this mickey mouse diaper while I'm trying not to throw up underneath her chubby legs.

In this episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kim puts Mason in a baby chair on the floor in front of the shower and proceeds to get sudsy. Is this inappropriate? How would you suggest this sort of situation be handled?

Kim no, if you're going to watch the baby, get your baths or whatever shit you need to do for yourself out the way first. Especially if it's not your child! If she really needed to take a bath, see if someone else could watch him for the short amount of time...that or put him in a bouncer and let him preoccupy himself while you RUSH in and out, NOT lay and get your bubbly on.

Take us on a run-through of the whole bottle feeding process?

I breastfed for 5 months. After that, I discovered formula and my boobs were finally given a break! Normally I give Zoe an 8 ounce bottle of Enfamil infant formula. She's not lactose intolerant so we didn't have to find a particular formula for her to drink/eat. It can cost quite a bit so we were running up our baby tab with this one's appetite. Thank god at 7 months we were able to start giving her baby food, now we only use a bottle to help her go down to sleep for the night.

After bottles, what the heck do babies eat?

A lot of things! You also have to remember how many teeth they have. Zoe's teeth started coming in at 6 months and by 8 months she had at least 6 [teeth]. So we were able to give her bits and pieces of regular food rather than soft sludge that is baby food. Right now she's able to eat Mac n Cheese (homemade not Kraft), fruits, chicken, mashed potatoes, turkey meatloaf, grilled cheese, etc. Basically I'll cook her food just like I cook for Kevin but I cut it into extremely small and eatable pieces. After a year I can start giving her cows milk! Goodbye formula!

Is it appropriate to invite a man over to hang out while we're baby sitting?

Hell NO.

Can we watch violent or graphic television/movies?

Only if the baby is asleep, she can't be near this anywhere. I found out the hard way, my brother was watching a kung fu movie and I was trying to feed Zoe a bottle to take before a nap. She caught wind of what was going on on the TV screen and started crying ridiculously. I felt terrible and ran away with baby in arms, trying to calm her down. Kids know what's going on no matter how much you think they don't.

Any other tips or tricks you thinks it's important we know?

For other mommies, get your "you" time!  I can't stress it enough. Don't try to take on the world because it really cant be done. Remember you're not only a mommy but you are still your former self! Go get your nails done, hair done, go see a movie, whatever it may be...just get out without the baby so you can have a moment to get your breath back. For friends with mommies, remember they're still the same person, just a person with more on their plate.

Read our previous resolutions here–Resolution #1: “I Will Dress Myself Better,” Resolution #2 “I Will Learn More About Wine,” Resolution #3 “I Will Travel More,“ Resolution #4 “I Will Be More Comfortable Nudie,” Resolution #5 “I Will Be More in Tune With My Aura” and Resolution #6 "I Will Feng Shui"

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4 Responses to “Resolution #7”

  1. Mish Mish says:

    I love DESBOOBS!!!!

  2. desboobs says:

    thanks guys! cant wait to do more of these!!

  3. felicia says:

    I love desboob’s stories! I only have 1 friend with kids (for now) and I love her babies. I noticed she stopped painting her nails, so I sat on the floor and painted her toes! With 2 little boys, she needed some girlyness in the mix.

  4. Nadine Alababa says:

    Nothing feels like an obligation when it comes to being there for someone. I’m just so grateful to even be able to be in the presence of Zoe and take care of her. I love you DES DES!

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