Ways for Everybody to Celebrate Valentine's Day!There's something about Valentine's Day that makes us want to shower ourselves in red glitter and stick our tongues down any handsome-stranger-with-a-rose's throat. This is a holiday that fits our bill—getting naked, drinking, maybe doing some A&C. And the cynical feminist in us gets to bitch about your Hallmark-infected bells and whistles. So in true hearty fashion, we have dreamed up a collection of situation-inspired Valentine's Day ideas that embrace love and break the cliché mold at the same time. From vodka bars to painting mugs to dirty videos, here's a list of ways to celebrate Valentine's Day no matter your situation.
If you’re going somewhere fancy: Blamo Toys Milton Cufflinks $40
Everyone loves a little trinket, and if you’ve convinced your baby to get "babed up" in a nice suit, get him a pair of these Blamo Milton Cufflinks and provide some unconventional wrist adornment to complement the Osso Buco you guys will be feasting on.
If you’re 16, or feel at all inclined to make a mixtape: Marshall Major Headphones $99
Mixtapes are the quintessential way to say, “listen to this collection of songs and pretend they speak to you about our extremely unique relationship.” But since no one wants to hear you display your library of low-fi girl alt-rock except you (and maybe us), buy your sweetie some sweet Marshall headphones and let ‘em listen to their own damn music.
If you live together and things are a little hairy between you: TurboSnake $6.99
Valentine’s day is as much a time to forge new relationships as it is to give the strained ones a breath of fresh air. Keep it light, make it funny, and make amends by unclogging your shower drain. Who knows, maybe you guys will end up in there together once showering doesn’t mean being ankle-deep in murky brown water.
If you're in a long distance relationship: Flipcam $159.00
What better way to make your baby miss you than sending them some live action HD footage? It doesn’t have to be naughty, but we do fully encourage it. Plus you can design your own online like this “Invading My Heart” edition of the Flipcam.
Patti always tells her millionaires, there is a 2-drink maximum when you’re getting to know a potential love match. hearty says there’s no better way to break the ice than to frantically sling back vodka shots as a precursor to any conversation with your new beau. Head to a vodka bar like the Ice Cage at the Menahata Bulgarian bar in NYC. $20 to open the doors, $10 a head.
If green is a big part of your relationship (aka- for the Stoner Couple): Color Me Mine $15 and up
Get experimental, expand your mind, see in color. Take your green loving guy or gal to somewhere like Color Me Mine and paint ceramic pottery until your heart’s delight.
If you are a couple of pleasure seekers: Turkish Baths approx. $30
Some affairs are all about pleasure, and in these cases we're sure you have all the tools to treat each other right if you're planning on "staying in" for Valentine's Day. But if you're looking to do something outside of the boudoir, strip down and head to the Turkish baths for a day, like the one in the East Village. Sample a whole bodily confectionery of pools, saunas, massages without the nuisance of worrying what to wear.
Marxist psychoanalyst and social theorist, Eric Fromm, writes in his classic text, "Love is an art, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering." This book is about learning how to love actively, artistically, and offers a beautiful counterpoint to all the vacant literature out there aimed simply at making you more lovable. Put down your trashy magazine article about how to tease your hair for maximum loveability and think about yourself as a loving person.
If you don’t need a man: Floral Doc Martens $130
The Spice Girls knew it, Daria knew it, and the hearty girls know it. One of the most important steps to claiming girl power is big, chunky, curb crushing footwear. Make it ironic by covering your combat boots in flowers and you know you're making Daria smile from somewhere in cartoon heaven.