LET'S GET ON WITH THE NEW SEASON! BACK TO THE SHORE THEY GO!
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Jersey Shore, The New Cast Leaving us barely enough time to catch our breath in between seasons, Jersey Shore hits us with their third kick at the can on January 6th. This time, they're back in Jersey with a side of meatball (Sammi's words, not ours) aka Deena Nicole Cortese. Oh, Deena. On behalf of fans everywhere, we welcome you to our Thursday nights. We hope there's a lot of spice underneath that roasted exterior. To be a girl on the Shore, you're going to need it. Two of hearty's biggest Jersey Shore fans, Mish and Jess teamed up to remind you what went down in the fall of 2010. From DTF girls to the logic of "girl code" to slut-shaming and sexism, they couldn't help but analyze season 2 from a feminist angle every fist-pumping dance-step of the way. Not to be too grandiose or anything, but at times Jersey Shore struck them as a crazy little microcosm of female behavior. See what we mean in the recap of Jersey Shore season 2 after the jump. Watch the trailer below for a sneak peek of the new season! On Watching Jersey Shore JESS: "I am slightly embarrassed by how seriously I take Jersey Shore. It started out as a fling, all hot and quick, but then I woke up one day and realized I was invested." Jersey Shore Cat Fight On Girl Hate JESS: "Forget about the guys objectifying women...that's a train headed nowhere fueled by insecurity. The women did worse things to themselves and I'm not just talking about a couple damaged hair extensions. It was full-out girl warfare in Miami, the kind where lack of eye contact is one of the greatest moves in your arsenal. I'd like to quote the twitter page of Sarah Silverman: "NEW FEMINIST: We no longer need men to treat us equally. We need women to treat each other less shitty.'" On JWoww MISH: "One thing that I don't understand is why J-Wow defended the sexual double standard of slut vs. pimp? When Angelina was dogged on for hooking up with Vinny and Jose, J-Wow said: 'I know it's a double standard, but you're bringing guys home left and right. You're fucking guys left and right that live in this house and don't live in this house. You're giving them a reason to humiliate you.' This wasn't very feminist. However, we only got this edited version of her on camera confession. Maybe she had more to say?" On Girl Code JESS: "They were attempting some sort of female solidarity with the 'girl code' but instead of sticking by simple guidelines (like the boys), it turns into a contract dense with small font and each girl approaches it like a lawyer trying to make it serve their own needs. JWoww oftens explains her actions by saying that she was 'being a woman,' ex. 'as a woman' she decides to talk to outcast Angelina. Does JWoww 'get it' a bit more because she's older? The boys decided that she's the most likely to cook the 'girl's night' meal because she's older, but is there feminism in with that fusilli? Do we grow out of hating on each other the way we grow out of giving bjs in small, enclosed spaces? There's no need for the small font. Just be a woman and do the right thing." Angelina Crying On Angelina, Being A "Slut" and the Double-Standard JESS: "The difference between Angelina's sluttiness and MVP sluttiness is the Fossil watch. It's not that a department store watch buys you monogamy, but accepting one kind of does. It's on the sleazy side to accept gifts and go on dinner dates with one guy and then bang another guy on the side. If you kept all of that your own business, there isn't likely to be any fall-out...but if you're being filmed and live with a ton of roommates who already don't like you, you're entering into red zone. The guys were definitely grosser than Angelina, but they didn't harbour any illusions with their ladyguests about what was going down. Did you see those girls? I've spent my fair share of time in gay clubs and I've never seen DTF vibes so blatant. MVP should be writing thank you letters to all the unfit fathers out there for doling out the kind of psychological trauma that results in three-way kissing reality TV stars." MISH: "I think that's what saves Angelina in this case is that was wasn't 'banging' Vinny plural, she 'banged' Vinny singular. Sure, she was playing Jose a little bit but at some point isn't it his responsibility to decide if he wants to stick around or not? Angelina was annoying but when it came down to her actions as far as 'whoring' goes, I don't think she did anything to deserve the treatment she received. She was single. She didn't owe anyone anything and she stood up to the sexual double standard that was tossed in her face. I just wish she had been a bit more aware and articulate, then she could have explained the sexual double standard to MVP, J-Wow, Snooks, Sammi and Ron." Jersey Shore Guy Love On DTF Girls JESS: "As for the DTF girls, I think they're beyond hope. That's not to say that your average DTF girl is a bad person. In fact, I love a solid DTF girl. They keep taking shots with you after the rest of your crew has switched to water and you don't have to wait for them when you want to leave the bar. They also usually have a good story the next morning that involves sizes, shapes and an unusual sound or two. Maybe that's the DTF girl's last laugh. Unfortunately, that's not the part that goes on camera." MISH: "What was with the complete opposition of the categories that MVP put women in? It's either a DTF Whore or a girl you only kiss, take out to dinner, buy flowers for and introduce to mom. This binary opposition of bad vs. good or whore vs. virgin is damaging. For dudes that are pretty progressive when it comes to breaking the rigid rules of masculinity (Metrosexualism is valued in this subculture almost as highly as Ron Ron Juice) it is archaic to view women in these two opposing categories. Then again, everything that MVP do in relation to gender and sexuality is as decrepit as Vinny's Uncle Nino." Ramona and Vinny On Ramona JESS: "It was so obvious that she wasn't interested in Vinny at all. He looked like a total fool multiple times. He ended up being almost as delusional as Sam when it came to not being able to read the signals. My theory is that Ramona bailed on the first date because she wasn't interested but ended up seeing him later when she heard about who he was. Ramona played it like a businesswoman. She was just like any another wannabe who tries to get ahead by using people and her own freakishly tall and thin Eastern European genes. I wouldn't be surprised if she was late all the time because she had to balance the rest of her boyfriends who vary greatly in age but not net income. Pauly's chick was super cute though. Way to represent Cuba." MISH: "She was almost as obvious as that Canadian 'model' who was 'into' The Situation. I don't think any girl bangs The Sitch unless it's for TV time. Seriously, the dude is a troll and, as my friend Bronwyn pointed out, he has obviously never eaten a pussy in his life." Final Thoughts MISH: "Much of the trivial fighting, fucking and calling everyone 'fake' was a snooze fest. Sammi made me want to punch my TV screen and Snooki didn't even get to meet a cute Juicehead to call her own. Better luck next season, dudes. Maybe things will finally get legit cray cray when The Sitch celebrates his 27th birthday for the eighth year in a row and his face falls off." JESS: "It seems to be the popular consensus that the current cast of Jersey Shore has jumped the shark. Will there be anything new in season three? 'GTL' was once so fresh and exciting but now it's a tired catch phrase...Ah hell, I'll give y'all one more chance."
The real life Sue Sylvester exists, except her version of the Cheerios are actually still eating Cheerios. [Animal New York] Angelina walks a dog down the runway at Fashion Week. Pauly D and the Situation have to wait in line to make jokes. [The Cut] Marc Jacobs models for his own products, has a kickin' bod covered in weird tattoos of kids cartoon characters and likes to party. He's the ultimate good-time gay who will make you feel square. Robert Foster investigates. [Platfm] A bear in Finland stretches her legs. The news calls it "yoga" [Observer] Craiglist "Adult Services" section is officially over and done with thanks to trafficking issues that were pointed out by some anti-trafficking activist groups. Although Craiglist's giant roster of sexual ads is now debunked, activist groups note that the internet is a big place. "Every pimp has a myspace page." [Salon] What's Jody been up to? [Jody Rogac Blog] Optical illusion constructed to slow down West Coast drivers. Another reason to not drive on acid. [Vancouver Sun] Judge Judy on computerized Ludes. This is insane. [Street Carnage]
Now you can take The Situation and Pauly D to bed with you (minus the chlamydia). [Jezebel] What do you speak? [Street Boners & TV Carnage] No one does a true haul like Britney from Deep Troll. She doesn't bore us with her Forever 21 dime-a-dozen finds, no, she wows us with her VHS collection, studded jean jackets and G-Unit T-shirts. More, Britney, more! [Deep Troll] Meadham Kirchhoff for Topshop dies in a bed of sparkles. Holy we-want-this-look. [Studded Hearts] Ever been shot in the ass while shopping? Us neither, but this lady did. [Weird Universe] New White Lung video by Ryan Anderson featuring the Mini Wiz and Becca Way! [Youtube]