News__ NOVELTY BLANKET REVOLUTION
Are you lazy? Unemployed? Really into naps? Is the Snuggie no longer fulfilling your novelty blanket needs? Thanks to a generation of kids raised on fart jokes, Bill Nye the Science Guy, and weed, our modern day innovators are responsible for inventing crap like the Double Slanket, and the Happiness In Bed blanket. What happened to the days of people curing diseases and discovering electricity? People with inventions that solved real problems? Well, one Denver science teacher found a way to appease both the novelty gadget niche, and fix a “very real problem” facing many adults today. What problem, you ask? Marriage farts, that’s what.
Hold onto your hats, world, and get ready for…
“THE BETTER MARRIAGE BLANKET.”
Yes, this is real. The Better Marriage Blanket (https://www.bettermarriageblanket.com/) is taking on a marital crisis that has driven divorce rates through the roof, SBD (Silent But Deadly). The blanket utilizes activated charcoal fabric to combat odour by absorbing invisible fart molecules before they escape the sheets. Francis Bibbo came up with the idea--wait for it--after farting into his hunting suit, alone in the woods. No, seriously. He found that when he farted into his carbon-lined suit (made to conceal a human’s scent from deer), the smell “was undetectable to the human nose.” A light bulb went off over his head, and the rest is history. Nothing like using your science degree towards the biggest fart joke in history. And, the blanket is so popular that the phone lines to order the blanket had to be shut down due to an overwhelming amount of callers. Really?